A Permanent Rain
by Icarus K
Summary: Harry is forced to deal with the death of his godfather and the relevance of the prophecy between him and Lord Voldemort, all before he even graduates from his third year. AU post-POA rated T until further in the story
1. Chapter 1

**A Permanent Rain**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter but these ideas, and plot, are purely my own.**

**Chapter 1**

Harry fell down to his knees looking over the fallen form of his godfather. His hair was wild and dirty showing the filth he's lived in for the past months, hell the past decade and more. The man's chest rose and fell in short intervals as the wounds from fighting off Remus's werewolf form took its tole on his already malnourished body.

"Sirius, don't worry I have you." Harry winced as he tentatively reached to feel the blood soaked clothes of his godfather. "Bloody mad you are, fighting off a werewolf." The semiconscious man grunted and attempted a laugh but ended up wincing in pain.

"Azkaban will do that to you lad."

Harry cracked a grin at the dark humor but it quickly faltered as he felt the air around them chill. The hair on his arms stood from the cold as the lake in front of him cracked and froze from the sudden change in temperature. His glasses gained a frosty layer making it almost opaque. Harry rubbed the misty pair of glasses on his shirt in an attempt to clear them up but no matter what he did he was unable to clear them of the ice forming on the glass.

"No." A hoarse whisper came from Sirius. He repeated the same phrase over and over again as a dark floating figure appeared from across the lake.

Dozens upon dozens of similar dark cloaked beings emerged from the darkened woods. An army of grim reaper's appearing as death itself search for the lives of its target.

The first dementor to reach the two floated over Sirius and pulled at his very soul causing the man to scream not in agony but in despair.

"Stay back!"

Harry could only attempt to wave them off with his arms but they were too fast and too many for him to keep away. A couple more of the foul beings reached the two as they once again assaulted Sirius's soul.

Standing up Harry pulled out his wand from the inside of his jacket pocket and attempted to conjure up a happy memory in his mind.

"_Expecto Patronum"_

Harry's wand emitted a bright white light that formed a silvery barrier between the two and the dementors. It worked in keeping the dementors away for a brief moment before Harry's happy memory faltered causing the mist barrier to dissipate. With nothing stopping the dementors from their prey Sirius and Harry were assaulted by the soul suckers.

Harry could feel the crawl of misery over come him as the dementors, one by one, sucked at his being. He felt all of his hope and happiness disappear as he could feel his soul being pulled from his body. Harry fell to his knees as his legs could no longer support his weight.

It was hopeless.

So this was how he died.

The 'boy-who-lived' killed by a hoard of dementors.

He could hear the scream of a woman similar to the one he heard when the train was attacked by the very same creatures that threatens to steal his soul.

The scream turned hysteric before they started to form words and phrases. He struggled to make out exactly what was being said. Almost like the sound of static blocking out the memory.

Harry watched as Sirius's ragged breathing increased dramatically as his chest rose and fell in a fast pace. Slowly the breathing started to slow before each breath lasted almost like a lifetime before the next one followed.

He watched in dread as a few more of the dementors floated closer with the very intent to finish both of them off.

As the dementors continued to feed off his soul the static started to lessen. He could hear his mothers voice as she screamed for him. It was hard to make out exactly what she was saying but four words did escape the static deluding her words.

'_We love you Harry.'_

A sense of calmness overcame him as his mothers voice, and love, reached him. He felt the warmth and tenderness even with everything going around him. Reaching for his wand Harry grasped the wooden stick and poured his magic and emotion into the spell.

"_Expecto…"_ He gathered his magic and emotion ready to unleash everything he had left. _"Patronum!"_

Instead of the silvery shield like light his previous Expecto Patronum charm emitted this one formed a shape. A bright silver stag stood in front of Harry and his godfather. The dementors attempted to attack the source of the charm but the stag stood defiantly preventing the cloaked creatures from coming any closer.

Harry fell on Sirius exhausted mentally and magically. The soft feeling of love still enveloped him as the corporeal patronus prevented the dementors influence from reaching him and Sirius.

His eyes closed in exhaustion letting the warmth over come him as a calm settled. Even with everything going around him his mind replayed over his mothers voice.

They loved him. They gave their life for him to live.

He finally relented and allowed the fatigue overcome him as everything became hazy and darken. Not a sound reached his hearing as the wailing of the dementors phased through him.

* * *

><p>The very first thing that hit Harry's senses was the unusual smell of disinfectant. It was a sterile smell that made him cringe slightly.<p>

He opened his eyes but quickly shut them as the bright light from the sun hit his eyes. Harry groaned in pain and annoyance as he buried himself deeper into his pillow in an attempt to block out the sun.

"Harry! You're awake."

He manage to blearily open his eyes and could make out the figure of his best friend Hermione Granger.

"Fancy meeting you here Hermione." He attempted to sit up but a shot of pain stopped him. "Ugh, I feel like I just went a few rounds with a mountain troll."

"Close but not quite." She said with a snort of amusement.

"Oh Harry we were so worried about you."

He waved her off biting back a groan due to the soreness he was feeling.

"Should have seen the other guy."

She gave him a teary smile before she launched herself at him in a tight bone crushing hug causing pain to erupt from his body.

"Hermione! Injured patient here!"

A sound of 'eep' escaped from her mouth as she quickly released him.

'Bloddy hell, I could feel my bones creaking.'

"Oh Harry you were out for almost two days. So much has happened while you were unconscious."

Harry attempted to recall what had happened. The last thing he could remember was…

"Sirius!" Harry shouted but quickly lowered his voice to a whisper. "Where is he? Is he okay? There were dementors!"

Harry frantically threw off the covers from his body and tried to find his renegade godfather but his body stopped him as he clutched his chest.

"I-I'm sorry Harry." Hermione gave him a sad look.

"They found him with you. The ministry took him."

"We have to get him out! Pettigrew is still out there. We can prove his innocence!" Harry was frantic but when he saw the tears start to fall from Hermione's eyes his blood turned cold.

"W-we can save him right?" He asked her tentatively. "I mean they're just taking him to Azkaban right?"

A quiet sob was his answer as Hermione just gave him a teary shake of her head.

"Harry, I am so sorry."

"No." Harry said under his breath.

"T-they wanted to make an example."

"No." He repeated but in a louder voice.

"I'm so sorry Harry. I know what he meant to you." She tried to console him by placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I want to see him." He glared at the ground not missing the fact that she referred to him in past tense. "Let me see his body."

"H-Harry I don't know if they'll let you." She flinched when he shook off her hand from his shoulder and turned his gaze at her. His eyes were so cold, so empty. It looked so foreign in those emerald green eyes.

"I don't care."

She once again launched herself at him in a tight hug. Not like the bone crushing hug she gave him before. No, this one was more for him than it was for her.

"I'm so sorry Harry." She repeated the phrase over and over again as the tears ran down her face.

It was strange he thought to himself. He had know the man for barely a few hours but during that stretch of time he had a family. Not in the sense that he was tied to him by law or by blood. But the fact that he had cared enough to risk his life to protect him.

His arms circled around the sobbing girl that was holding on to him.

"He's gone." He said quietly as his arms around her tightened. It was such a foreign emotion. It wasn't like the feeling of emptiness he had when he thought of his parents.

He had never known them but he longed for them. They were like a fairy tale he lived out in his mind but he knew they were never coming back. Reality reminded him of that fact every day.

Sirius was different though. He was there. He wasn't just someone he had to imagine.

"I'm sorry for your loss Mr. Potter." A voice said caused both Harry and Hermione to look up and break away from each other. "But if I may have a word with Mr. Potter, Ms. Granger."

She rubbed away the drops of tears from her cheeks and looked to Harry for approval. He nodded which she returned before leaving the room to give the two some privacy.

A silence fell over the two as Harry was lost in his thoughts while Dumbledore gave him the time to gather himself.

"Again I apologize for your loss Mr. Potter."

"Why headmaster? After all Sirius Black was a convicted murderer." Harry gave the headmaster a grim look. "And the cause of my parents death."

It hurt to say those things to the headmaster. They weren't the truth, but who would believe him.

"There is no need to hide the truth Harry." The mans tone was hushed and gentle. "I know the truth behind the betrayal of your parents."

Harry's eyes widened in surprise at what Dumbledore had said.

"W-what do you mean?" He stuttered as his surprise quickly shifted to anger. "If you knew then why didn't you stop them from killing my godfather."

He knew and he did nothing to stop them from killing Sirius.

"You could have done something! You're the great Dumbledore the Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, your word carries weight!"

Dumbledore allowed the young man before him to vent out the emotions he had suppressed. The boy was truly too kind always hiding his true feelings and putting up that smile for everyone else.

"Why didn't you do anything Headmaster!"

He didn't know why he was reacting like this when he hardly even knew the man that died. No, that's a lie. He knew exactly why he was like this.

Sirius was the first real chance he had at a true family that cared about him. While his very being screamed his hate for the Dursley's there was also that small part of him the longed for their approval. No matter how much he tried to suppress that part of himself he knew that should they ever acknowledge him, he would forgive them. He longed for a loving family and Sirius could have given him that.

A dampness on his face caused Harry to stop his tirade. He reached up to his cheek to feel a wetness that he wasn't used to.

"Huh, why am I crying."

It's been so long. It's been so long since he's allowed himself to be this vulnerable. There was only one thing he had forbid himself from doing, and that was crying.

"Harry it's alright." A hand laid itself on his shoulder but he hardly felt the weight. "It's okay to allow yourself to grieve."

"B-but Headmaster," He attempted to wipe all the tears from his face but no matter how much he wiped more just seem to pour out. "I didn't even know him and I'm acting like this."

"Harry, you don't need years to form bonds. All you need is but a second to love."

Harry covered his face with his arms in an attempt to hide his face from Dumbledore.

They stayed like this for a good amount of time. The headmaster didn't try to talk to him during this time, instead remained silent and allowed him his moment of mourning.

"I'm sorry headmaster." Harry said once he had calmed down.

"It's quite alright Mr. Potter." Dumbledore said with a sad smile on his face.

"But why?"

Dumbledore didn't quite understand what Harry meant.

"What do you mean Mr. Potter?"

"Why did Voldemort go after my parents? What made them so special that we had to go into hiding?" It didn't make sense to Harry. There were many families terrorized by Voldemort so what made him and his parents special that they were put under the protection of a _Fidelius Charm_.

While Harry's mind was in confusion Dumbledore's was in turmoil.

The boy deserves to know about the prophecy but is he ready. He's been through so much Dumbledore wasn't sure if he could put more weight on the boys already weary shoulders.

"Please headmaster I need to know. He's affected my life so much."

The last part was said in such a hushed tone that Albus almost missed it but he caught it.

"Very well Harry." Dumbledore gave out a weary sigh. "You had chosen to enroll in Professor Trelawney's Divination class as your elective this year, isn't that right?"

Harry nodded confirming the statement.

"Tell me what have you learn about prophecies from the class."

Harry gave a thoughtful look as he tried to recall the specific lesson from all he other useless one's he had endured in the class.

"From what I can recall I think it was explained to us as a divine message delivered by seers about conditioned events to come."

"Five points to Gryffindor! Yes that is correct Harry."

"Thank you sir but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Harry you must understand that prophecies are ancient magic that can not be seen by just anyone. A person must have seer blood to make prophecies."

Harry nodded along as he felt a hollow feeling in his stomach.

"On the year of your birth there was a prophecy made that involved two new born children. The first is a friend of yours, Neville Longbottom, and the second child is you Harry." Looking weary and old the man looked very much like his age.

_"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies __…__"_

Harry's breath hitched as he listened to the prophecy Dumbledore recited.

"What does this mean sir." Harry asked in a low voice.

"I believe the prophecy is about you, and Voldemort believed the same."

Harry shook his head in denial.

"But what about Neville you said it involved him as well."

"You forget that only one of you have been marked by Voldemort."

Harry's hand raised to the lightning bolt shape scar on his forehead.

"Yes Harry that scar that you received that night signifies you as the child of prophecy."

Harry said nothing as his mind was racing with all the information he had just learned.

"I'm sorry Harry." He attempted to put his hand on the boys shoulder as a show of comfort but retracted his hand when the young man flinched from the contact.

"I-I'd like to be alone headmaster." Harry said with an unreadable expression on his face.

Dumbledore nodded and turned to leave. Before he left he looked back at the boy.

"I'm truly sorry for your loss Mr. Potter. And for everything else."

He never received a response.

Harry wasn't quite sure what to make of the things he had learned. Everything made sense now but everything just got more complicated.

His grief for his deceased godfather was still there but the growing alarm for his safety and life has emerged almost shadowing his grief. Voldemort was still out there. His first year in Hogwarts made that very clear.

How was he suppose to compete with something like that. He was just Harry. A muggle raised half blood that didn't even know that magic existed until a giant literally broke down his front door.

It was inconceivable to think that he could be equal to the most feared dark lord in centuries.

His attempt at rest during the night ended with him getting only a few hours of sleep. He tossed and turned but couldn't stop his mind from racing. It was a sleepless night for him but the potions he took definitely did its job as the pain from the day before was almost non existent.

It wasn't until midday that Madam Pomfrey deemed him healthy enough to be release.

"Mr Potter, you're free to leave but do try to stay out of trouble."

Harry gave the old medi-witch a grin.

"I can't promise anything Madam Pomfrey. It's not like I choose to get hurt."

The stuffy witch just gave a 'hmph' as a reply.

"Well the amount of time's I've had you administered here makes me think otherwise."

"Only to see you Madam." Harry said laughing in reply.

"Someone has to keep you company."

Her face soften from her stern glare.

"Do try not to get hurt too much Mr. Potter."

Harry nodded with a soft smile before he left the medical wing.

Making his way to the Gryffindor common room Harry made sure he wasn't seen by any of the other students in the halls. He was successful until he made it to the common room where Hermione and Ron were waiting.

"How are you feeling mate?"

"I'm alright."

A lie, complete lie.

"How about you guys. Alright?"

"Oh, we're alright Harry. We're more worried about you." Hermione said answering for the both of them.

Harry just gave her a fake smile which she easily saw through.

"I'm really okay Hermione. There's nothing to worry about."

"You can talk to us about anything. You know that, right Harry?"

He nodded in confirmation. "I'm still fairly tired so I think I'm going to head up and rest."

After Harry left Hermione turned to Ron.

"Ron, I'm worried about Harry."

Ron turned back to her in surprise. "Huh, why would you be worried about him?"

She glared at him for his insensitivity causing him to flinch back instinctively. Living with a mother like Molly Weasley must have really conditioned him to fear a woman's glare.

"Honestly, you have the emotional capacity of a dog."

"I do not!"

She gave him an affronted look. "Your right. A dog at least can pick up on the mood."

A look of confusion crossed his face once more. "Dogs can do that?"

Hermione groaned while rubbing her forehead in exasperation and muttering under her breath about level of intelligence.

"Brother dear, you really shouldn't open your mouth so much in public."

Both teens looked up to see Fred and George grinning at the both of them.

"Cause when you do you make all Weasley's look like 'dunderhead's' as Snape would say." George said imitating the potions professor.

Ron just huffed and scowled at the two of them.

"How's Harry doing?" Fred asked suddenly turning serious. "We heard that the dementors did a number on him."

George nodded. "Nasty beasts those things are. Must have left him depressed."

Ron and Hermione looked at each other knowing the true reason for Harry for being down.

"We visited him yesterday but the little guy just wouldn't crack a smile."

"We told him about our prank on Malfoy that turned his hair pink and the lad didn't even bat an eyelash." Fred said widening his arms in exaggeration.

"That was you two!?" Hermione screeched as she put her hands on her hips and gave the two pranksters a stern look.

"That's not the point Hermione." George said waving her off.

"Like it isn't!"

"Anyways to the real point of the story."

"Don't ignore me!"

"Like my dear brother was saying." Fred said completely ignoring Hermione causing her to glare even harder. "We're worried about Harry."

Hermione's angry look morphed into a look of concern that mirrored the twins.

"Harry has a lot on his mind at the moment. We're just as concerned."

Fred and George looked at each other before returning their gaze to Hermione. "Well let us know if there's anything we can do."

Leaving the two by themselves Hermione turned to Ron with a look of dysphoria.

"Oh Ron what are we going to do."

Ron looked at her with a questioning look. "Huh, what do you mean?"

She blinked as she raised her hand to her forehead in exasperation. "Honestly Ron, Professor Snape is right you really are a dunderhead."

A cry of 'hey!' caused her to laugh and cheer her up a little bit but it wasn't enough to forget about her other best friends current troubles.

* * *

><p>Harry entered the Great Hall to find he was only one of a handful of students awake at the moment. He took a seat on the Gryffindor table and grabbed a piece of toast and took a tentative bite.<p>

While he ate his food his eyes wandered the halls watching the few students that inhabited the hall. There was barely anyone there due to it being so early in the morning. Normally Harry wouldn't even be up at such a time but like the night before no matter what he tried he just couldn't fall asleep.

It wasn't long before he finished the piece of toast he was munching on and found himself with a lot of time before his first class would start. Rising from his seat he started walking without a clear destination in mind.

The revelation of his god father's death and the prophecy had weighed heavily in his mind. The anguish and frustration he felt was immense. Deep in thought Harry never noticed a figure in front of him until he ran into the person.

While Harry wasn't that big of person, quite the opposite in fact, the person he ran into was considerably smaller than him and as a result fell down when they made contact.

Looking down at the fallen girl in horror Harry quickly muttered an apology as he tried to help her up.

The girl just smiled dreamily and waved off his apology's.

"That's quite alright." She said as she dusted herself off.

"Oh my, there sure are a lot of wrackspurts attracted to you."

Harry gave her a questioning stare. "Wrackspurts?"

"Oh yes, they're invisible little creatures that makes your brain go fuzzy."

The little girl certainly was an odd one. She had dirty blond hair done up in a loose pony tail with her wand tucked behind her ears. Her far away silver-gray eyes and the butterbeer bottle cap necklace around her neck only served to enhance her aura of inanity.

"I can see quite a lot of them buzzing around your head."

Harry just stared at the girl in wonder before his face broke out into a smile and started to laugh. For some reason the girl just made him feel light. There was an innocence to her that seemed to just alleviate his negative thoughts.

Not insulted by his laughing the girl just smiled her dreamy smile and waited until he could catch his breath from his laughter.

"Haha, huff, ha thanks I really needed that."

The girl looked so far away that he wasn't sure if she was even paying attention to what he was saying.

"It was my pleasure."

He extended his right hand in greeting.

"My name's Harry Potter."

He shouldn't have expected a normal handshake from the bizarre girl cause instead of grasping his hand in greeting the girl took his hand into both of hers and guided it to her cheek as a greeting.

"Nice to meet your acquaintances Harry, I'm Luna Lovegood and you have very warm hands."

Harry grinned at her quirkiness. "Nice to meet you too, and thanks. So what are you doing up so early Luna?"

The girl dropped his hand and pointed down the corridor to a set of stairs. "I'm looking for Crumple-Horned Snorkacks."

Unsure what exactly the creature Luna was talking about Harry just marked it down as one of her oddities.

"And where would those be?"

She grabbed his hand and started to drag him down towards the set of stairs she was pointing to.

"I was talking to the house elves and they say there's a hidden room on the seventh floor and you can only find Snorkacks in hidden places."

"I see." Harry said amused.

"My father and I went to Sweden once to go hunting for them but they were very tricky and we couldn't find their hiding spot."

The girl talked completely believing the existence of the mythical creature she was talking about. The excitement in her voice made Harry feel lifted and couldn't help but cheer up a little as the little girl guided him to the seventh floor.

Together they searched for the hidden room that Luna was talking about but found nothing. While he didn't care if they found the room or not but it did help to kill time and keep his mind off his troubles.

"I wonder if the house elves were mistaken." Harry said as they walked down the seventh floor corridor for what must have been the uptinth time. "We've looked at every corner of this place and haven't found a thing."

While Harry was beginning to lose hope but Luna had the same look of believe in her eyes as when they began their search.

"I'm sure we'll find it Harry."

He smiled at her blind faith but couldn't match her beliefs.

While walking Harry noticed a door that wasn't there before and stopped Luna.

"Hey, was that there before?" He asked pointed at the door. "Lets go check it out."

It looked like any of the doors on the floor but he didn't remember a door across the troll dancing tapestry. Opening it Harry and Luna found a large room with mountains of random trinkets and oddities.

"What is this place?" Harry asked in amazement.

Luna walked into the room and started to rummage through the mountain of rubbish. She pulled out what appeared to be a colorful horn rimmed pair of glasses and put them on before throwing it back into the pile.

"What a weird room." Harry said as he picked up an empty bottle of cooking sherry. "Definitely weird."

While Luna was rummaging through a pile of what looked to be broken furniture and glass bottles, Harry took the time to walk around and look through all the stuff in the room.

He found found little trinkets that looked like they could have been used a long time ago along with piles of old dusty books.

Picking up one of the books he dusted the thing off causing him to cough as a great deal of dust rose from it.

It was pretty thick with a dark leather encasing that looked to hand sewn. Looking at the front cover it didn't have a title. He opened the book to find that not a single word was written in its pages.

He grimaced as a memory of a young Tom Riddle flashed in his mind reminding him that even a blank book could be deadly in the wizarding world. Closing the untitled book he tossed it behind his back like the others he had picked up and discarded.

"Hey Luna what do you think this room is?" Harry called out only to find the blonde girl missing.

"Luna?" Harry turned a corner to looking for his companion but he didn't have too look for long. "Hey Luna what are you doing?"

Approaching the younger girl Harry saw a discolored old tiara in her hands. It looked fairly unremarkable but for some reason the tiara felt off to him.

"Hey Harry." The girl said once she caught sight of him. "Don't you think this diadem looks pretty."

"Er, yeah it's nice." Harry said not really knowing the ascetics of such thing. "But we should get going. It's almost time for first classes to start."

The girl just hummed happily as she held the diadem away from her in admiration.

"Don't you think it looks like Rowena Ravenclaw's lost diadem."

Harry just gave the girl an amused smile. The girl certainly has a way of thinking out side of the box.

"It'd be pretty ironic if Ravenclaws most famous trinket was lost in a room within Hogwarts."

The girl just gave him a look of wonder as she switched her gaze between the him and the diadem. Taking the diadem from her hand and putting it on her head Harry ushered her away from the room in an effort to get her away from all the wonders that grabbed her attention that the room contained.

Once out the room Harry gave the girl a smile. It may have only been for a little time but the distraction she brought had helped him forget about the recent events.

"Thanks Luna." Harry said not really specifying what he was thanking her for. But the younger girl just gave him the same dazed smile that seamed to be a unique feature that never left her face.

"You're welcome Harry."

Parting ways with the blonde Harry couldn't help but look back only to chuckle to himself as the girl took off the diadem that he had placed on her head only to put it around her neck like it was a necklace.

"That girl is more barmy than Dumbledore."

* * *

><p>Harry hastily took a seat between his two best friends. He had to run the whole way just to make it in time for class. His two friends gave him a look asking where he was for breakfast but he was too busy trying to catch his breath to give them a clear answer. Before he could answer them though the door swung open.<p>

"Okay, everyone settle down. With only a week until your final we'll take these last few lessons to review."

While calming a class full of children Professor Flitwick levitated a stack of books for him to stand on. It was a usual action that the whole class was used to from the little professor and paid no heed as he levitated himself on top of the stack to get on a higher level.

This had been such a common beginning to charms class that Harry was surprised that he had only just realized that Professor Flitwick had never once uttered a spell or used wand motions to levitate those books he stood on.

Nudging the one girl who always had answers for him Harry relayed his thoughts to her.

"Honestly Harry Professor Flitwick is a master in charms. He's been using silent casting since our first year when he first introduced himself."

"You can do that?" Ron asked in slight interest. He was starting to fall asleep already, probably feeling the drowsiness from the mountain of food he devours during breakfast every morning. But the topic of conversation had manage to wake him up just enough to chime in.

"Of course it's possible Ronald. I've seen your mother do it various times!"

Ron could only scratch his head trying to recall a time when his mother had used nonverbal casting.

"I don't really recall…"

Hermione could only give the redhead a groan in disbelief, quietly though since they were in the middle of class.

"Ronald she uses nonverbal casting when ever she uses magic to cook. Or are you too engrossed in stuffing your mouth with as much food as humanly possible to actually notice anything that goes around you."

Noticing the hint of red creeping up on his best mate's ears Harry knew that he would have to cut in between the two before things escalated between them.

"Hermione do you know how to cast spells without incantations?'

The bushy haired girl scrunched up her face in concentration as she tried to think if she had read anything about nonverbal casting.

"I think I read upon it one time when I was reviewing a past unit on Defense against the Dark Arts with Professor Lupin."

Harry couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt and sadness hit him at the mention of the only decent defense teacher he's ever had. As a boyhood best friend of his dad, Remus Lupin was another person that Harry had bonded with. After Sirius, Harry didn't know how he was going to face the man.

"I recall him saying that the amount of concentration and practice into casting spells without any incantation takes a great amount of work."

At the mention of hard work Ron interest in the topic plummeted leaving the last two of the trio to discuss "complicated topics', as he liked to call them.

"If you want to learn more about this topic Harry I'm sure Professor Lupin would be more than happy to help you."

Harry grimaced at the suggestion. He wasn't exactly avoiding the man he just couldn't see him at the moment.

"I don't think now's a good time to ask him for help Hermione." Harry said quietly.

Hermione's eyes widened comically as her hands flew to her mouth and covered them as if the action would take back what she had just said.

"Oh Harry I'm so sorry for bringing it up."

Harry didn't get a chance to reply as Professor Flitwick had finished his lecture and was having them do some practical wand work. If he was being honest with himself he was a little glad that their conversation had ended. It was starting to move in a direction that he just wasn't ready to talk about yet. Specially during class.

The rest of the charms class was spent reviewing wand motions and proper spell pronunciation. It wasn't exactly hard work but it was meticulous and detailed. Any other time Harry would be complaining like Ron was but he was grateful for the distraction that he class brought. He had even managed to earn Gryffindor 10 points for 'exceptional concentration and attention'.

The rest of the day passed by slower than Harry would have liked but due to the upcoming finals most of the classes were reviewing past subjects. Just like in charms Harry was able to bury himself with work and forget.

He was sitting at the Gryffindor table as his mates around him ate their dinner while chatting about various topics but he couldn't seem to match the joyous mood everyone else was in. He smiled when someone spoke to him and he laughed along to all the jokes but it didn't reveal what he was feeling inside.

"Harry are you alright." Hermione asked him. "You've hardly touched your food."

Harry just smiled at her and told her that he was fine.

She didn't quite believe him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Hermione I'm fine."

That was a lie and he knew it. He needed to bury this deeper, just like those years with the Dursley's. Bury it deep and don't let it affect you.

She still didn't believe him but didn't press him further.

"I just ate too much earlier, is all. If you want you can have my peas. I know how much you love those little buggers."

It seemed to have worked.

"Oh stop it you're just trying to pass on your vegetables on to me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Harry said with a sly grin trying to act all too innocent.

"You prat, eat your vegetables!"

"Yes, mum."

She gave him an angry look but he knew that she wasn't angry. Just like how she knew that he wasn't actually fine.

"I'll have your peas if you don't want them mate." Ron said with a mouth full of food.

Harry could only look on with amusement as he gave his peas to Ron. Honestly the guy is too much of a glutton.

A tap on his shoulder caused him to look away from the sight of Ron devouring his food.

It was Professor Lupin.

"Harry if I could have a word with you after dinner."

Harry froze at the request but managed to numbly nod.

The man smiled at him but it looked strained with bags under his eyes and fatigue marking his face.

"Thank you, I'll be waiting in my office."

The man nodded in greeting to on and Hermione before departing with a slight limp.

Once the man left Harry stood from his seat and made to leave the hall.

"I have to go." He said hastily.

"Harry are you going to be okay?" Hermione asked even more worried.

He wanted to say no but that would only worry her more.

"I'll be alright Hermione I think it'd be good to finally get this off our chests."

He gave her a slight smile which she returned full blown.

"Oh Harry you know we'll always be here when you need us, right?"

That did make him feel better.

"Always?"

"Of course, always."

The smile on his face was genuine.

"Isn't that right Ronald?" She asked as she elbowed him on the side.

"Gah! *cough cough* Bloody hell woman!"

Clearly it wasn't a good idea to elbow someone while they were scarfing down food at the rate Ron was going.

"Are you trying to kill me! Some people actually like to be left in peace while they're enjoying a meal."

"Ronald have you not been paying attention to anything that's happened outside of food!"

The way she said it as more of a statement than an actual question which didn't go over well with the fiery redhead.

"People eat during dinner!"

Holding her head in exasperation Hermione just couldn't handle her friend sometimes.

"Honestly Ron I think you're a lost cause." Harry said with a grin.

"Oi! Don't be taking her side mate!"

"Well it's hard not to when you're filling up your third plate."

Taking a sharp bite of the drumstick in his hand, and thankfully chewing before answering him back.

"Us blokes have to stick together." He said while waving the chicken leg in front of him. "You have to have my back just like I'll always have yours."

Harry couldn't help but grin at the glutinous redheads words. In his own way he had just repeated what Hermione had promised.

"Always mate."

Ron just gave a grunt of approval.

"Oh Ronald maybe you're not such a lost cause after all."

"Oi!"

**Authors Note:**

**Well this is my new story which will be the focus of my musing. I can't promise fast updates, even consistent updates, but I'll try to do what I can to fit in some writing into my busy schedule. I just wanted to try this and work a story starting in a more exciting point in the canon plot. Things will diverge a lot more, from what you can tell, and the characters are not all going to be cannon. I plan for this to be a more serious Harry but at the same time retain his over all personality. I'll do that with a lot of the characters, retain their personality but amplify or create certain qualities to make them more my own. So I hope you guys enjoy this!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Permanent Rain**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter but these ideas, and plot, are purely my own.**

**Chapter 2**

Harry didn't know how long he stood in front of the door, unable to bring himself to knock. He knew he'd have to eventually enter and have that much needed talk with Professor Lupin but at the same time he didn't want to think rationally. He wanted nothing more than to not have this talk about what had happened.

'_Come on Harry, gather up that Gryffindor courage.'_

Taking a deep breath he raised his hand to knock on the door. He didn't even get in two knocks before the door swung open revealing a haphazard Professor Lupin.

"Harry," The man said with a small smile, "Thank you for coming in such short notice."

He couldn't quite return the smile back but elected to give the man a nod of greeting instead.

"Please, come in."

He hesitated for a moment but entered the room.

All of Hogwarts class rooms looked fairly the same. Desks were lined up in a similar fashion with large sets of windows along the wall that teased the students when ever it was a sunny day. Truthfully Defense was never Harry's favorite subject. Sure he was good at it, probably better than most of the people in his year, but at the same time it was hard to enjoy a class when it was taught by twits like Quirinus Quirrell and Gilderoy Lockhart. Professor Lupin is the only exception, having actually properly taught this year.

"How are you Harry?"

Closing the door behind them Remus looked at the boy in front of him and couldn't help but feel pity. He knew it wasn't an emotion that the boy would have appreciated but he couldn't help it. Of course there was sadness from losing a life long friend but he had already made his peace with Sirius a long time ago when he believed that the man had murdered his other two best friends.

"How are you holding up?"

These were the questions that Harry wanted to avoid all together. He didn't want to have to talk about his feelings. He wanted to bury them as deep as possible. He wanted to just feel alright again. Sure he would probably feel better by talking about _his_ death but that wasn't how he had learn to cope.

"I'm doing alright professor."

He tried to smile but it faltered. He couldn't smile just yet and in Remus's point of view that was a good sign.

"I understand how you feel lad." Remus said in a tired voice. "It's hardest the first few days. I won't lie to you maybe even weeks. But it does get better."

Harry nodded but couldn't meet the mans eyes. He wanted nothing more than to just change the subject.

"Professor, thank you for teaching me the Patronus charm. Without it I don't think I would be here today."

"Harry there's no need to thank me. You are a student and I am a teacher. It's what I'm suppose to do."

The man smiled at him and extended his right hand which Harry grasped for a firm handshake.

"Professor there's something that I was hoping that you could help me out with."

The man gave him a questioning look but ushered him to go on.

"Hermione told me that there is a way to cast spells silently and I was hoping that you could help me with that."

Remus regarded the young man in front of him before agreeing to help.

"You must understand Harry this part of magic is very difficult to learn. While the Patronus charm used emotion as a catalyst, nonverbal magic requires great willpower."

"I understand professor but I feel like this is something I need to get started on…" Harry trailed off.

He was starting to go into things he didn't want to think about. Thankfully the professor understood and didn't make him say anymore.

"I see." He paused as he considered his word. "Harry there are somethings we can't control. I understand your line of thinking but I want you to remember something before I teach you this branch of magic."

"You'll help me then?" Harry asked excitedly.

"Yes I'll help you but listen to me."

Harry nodded seriously and listened to the mans words.

"Don't let the idea that you can control everything. There will be times where something happens and things go wrong. It is not always your fault. Sometimes things happen and we just have to grow."

He knew what he was talking about and it all made sense to him but…

"I understand what you're saying sir, but I can't help what I feel." He said quietly. "This is just something I have to do. Just please help."

"I understand. I'll be here if you need me Harry."

* * *

><p>After deciding on meeting after dinner every day for the next week or so of school Harry decided to get an early start on the subject.<p>

Finding an empty classroom in the eastern corridor Harry used a bit of magic to move aside the desk and chairs to create space for himself.

At first he tried to do this nonverbally similar to what Professor Flitwick did during charms class but after almost five minutes of standing with his wand pointed at a desk he gave up and elected to verbally cast his spells.

Once he had the necessary space he started with the simplest spell he knew; the Lumos charm.

While Wingardium leviosa was taught before the Lumos charm it's actually a trickier spell. The Lumos charm is an internal spell that doesn't require Harry to expel his magic but instead it's like connecting his magic with a power source, his wand.

Taking out his wand Harry once again attempted to nonverbally cast magic but was left standing with his wand pointed and not a single flash of light emitted. It was incredibly frustrating not only because he was getting no results but also because it felt like he had done nothing but stand for the past few minutes.

His frustration quickly boiled over as he casted the charm loudly.

"_LUMOS!"_

The tip of his wand illuminated the room so brightly that Harry actually cover his eyes with his arms before quickly remembering that he could cut off the magic anytime he wanted.

As he ended the spell Harry was pondering how he was able to create such a powerful light. Sure he had casted the Lumos charm various times in different degrees of brightness but that last one was the brightest he had ever made it.

The frustration due to being unable to do what he intended to had made him mad at himself and had caused him to childishly scream out the spell but that couldn't have been the catalyst to producing a stronger version of the spell. Could it?

Gathering himself Harry attempted his theory and was met with success. He tried to channel his frustration and anger and was able to produce a blinding light. It wasn't as strong as the first one but the increase in power behind the spell was very apparent.

Grinning at the discovery he made Harry attempted the spell various times with varying degree of success. In some instances the Lumos spell would be very bright but there were times when it was just a normal powered spell.

He quickly figured out that anger wasn't the answer to powering spells. Sure it was a good catalyst but there had to be a more efficient way than angering himself every single time he wanted to make a spell more powerful.

He didn't have enough knowledge on magic to come up with a solution but he was happy with the progress he had made. In just a couple of hours he was able to create a powered up version of the Lumos charm. While he wasn't able to cast it nonverbally, as his intended goal, he was at least able to make a discovery before Professor Lupin began to even teach him.

He had a lot of questions that he hoped the man had answers for. But for the time being he was content with working slowly and making progress on his own.

He was about to take a break from his self practice when the doors to the classroom burst open causing him to point his wand at the cause.

"Woah! Is that how you like to greet people Potter."

Harry's eyes narrowed as he inspected the girl that had entered the room. She had her hands up in a surrendering position but Harry didn't lower his wand.

"Davis? What are you doing here."

Now that he had a moment to look at her he was able to recognize her as a Slytherin that he had seen in many of his classes but never really interacted with. Then again he never really interacted with anyone from Slytherin besides Malfoy and his goons. She has this innocent face that made people think that she's a meek girl. But for some reason Harry had a feeling that the saying 'looks can be deceiving' applied very well to her.

"Oh you know just enjoying the scenery. Plus I have this thing about being caught in pretty awkward situations so you can see how it is."

Yeah, very deceiving.

Harry gave he a quizzing look and was about to ask her what in bloody hell she was talking about but a scratching from outside the door stopped him.

"Wha—"

"Quick hide me!" The girl shouted as she ran behind the stack of desks he had moved aside completely disregarding the fact that he had his wand pointed at her.

Harry was so stunned at her actions that he didn't even stop her.

Before he could even attempt to make heads or tails on what was happening the door bust open again revealing a glaring Filch and a meowing Mrs. Norris.

"You won't get away from me you filthy child. Oh how I wish the headmaster would let me give you heathens a good flogging."

The man wasn't making any sense to Harry but he had just about enough of all the distractions.

"Is there something I can do for you, _sir_?"

Flitch looked at him almost as if he hadn't even noticed that Harry was in the room.

"Potter! I should have known. Where are you hiding her! Tell me now or the headmaster will hear about this."

Harry's wand hand twitched in annoyance but he schooled his emotions before answering the infuriating man.

"First of all I have no idea what you are talking about. Second I am hiding no one. Third and finally you are in no position to threaten me."

It was possible that the man had Weasley blood in him because the shade of red his face changed into was something Harry thought only a Weasley could achieve. He would know, he's seen all of Ron's red shades.

"Now hear me you child. I will not be disrespected by a student!"

"And I will not let you threaten me. After all who would believe you over me."

The man paused but his glare didn't falter. Harry didn't back down either. Any other time he would have relented but he was tired from his training and he was quickly getting annoyed with the way the man had been treating him ever since his cat was petrified by Slytherin's Basalisk.

"Now I believe you should get going, _sir._"

It was clear that Flich would have liked nothing more than to teach Harry a lesson on old fashion discipline but with the boy holding his wand and his defiant attitude he knew that there was nothing much he could do.

With a huff the man left to go search out another student to victimize.

"Well I'll be Potter. Is it just me or did you get a little taller?"

He couldn't hold his surprise and actually gave a little jump due to the girl suddenly appearing beside him.

"Hmm, yes you are taller! What a difference a spine makes, eh. Very Slytherin of you"

The smirk on the girls face looked all to foreign on her. He had never talked to the girl before but she always looked so innocent, even for a Slytherin. So it's a bit of a surprise to him that the girl would have such a brash personality.

"My spine aside. What was that all about, Davis?"

The girl gave him a nonchalant shrug.

"Oh you know just going on a nice little stroll."

Harry had a feeling there was more to her 'little stroll' but at the moment he just didn't care enough to ask.

"I thought you were just 'enjoying the scenery'?"

"Did I say that?"

Harry gave her a nod.

"Er, well the scenery's just part of the stroll?"

Harry was going to say bullocks but when he thought about it the statement could have been true but the way the girl was pulling back her blonde hair nervously made him think that wasn't what actually happened.

"Well whatever you're doing I'd like it better if you do it some where else."

That was obviously the wrong thing to say.

"Well I'm so sorry for getting in the way." He didn't think she was actually sorry. "I'll leave you to it Potter."

Harry winced at her tone of voice and realized that he may have been acting a little bit of a prat. The girl turned to leave but Harry stopped her.

"Wait Davis!" Harry called out to her causing the girl to stop in her tracks but didn't turn around.

"You're not in the way. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what." Her icy tone drove the point that she was not happy with him more with her back turned to him.

"Er, for being an arse?"

There was a long pause which made Harry wonder nervously if he had something wrong, again.

"That's okay!" The girl chirped revealing a large grin on her face once she turned to face him once more.

Harry could only blink not completely understanding what had just happened.

"So what's with the set up?" The girl asked pointing at the pile of desks and chairs pushed off to the side.

Harry shook his head. He couldn't handle this girl's mood changes. She was just all over the place and completely the opposite of her image.

"Are you learning how to dance?"

If the question wasn't so ridiculous Harry might have laughed at her face. Her eyes were wide open in a comical expression.

"What? No, why would I be learning how to dance?"

The girl just gave him a shrug.

"I don't know you tell me. You're the one learning how to dance."

"No one is learning how to dance!" Harry said raising his voice in annoyance. Honestly what is up with this girl.

"Are you sure?"

Harry gave her a look that said 'does it look like I'm dancing' causing the girl to laugh.

"Well you should have just said so!"

He's barely talked to her and already Harry wanted to bang his head on something hard.

"I mean if I didn't know any better I would have said that it looks like you're practicing magic. But really who knows, it looks more like you were dancing."

The smirk back on her face made Harry sigh once again.

"You're really exhausting to talk to, you know that?"

"Who knew the golden boy of Gryffindor actually studies." The girl asked completely ignoring what he just said.

"I do study." Harry said giving her a scandalous look which she returned right back.

"Okay, well maybe I haven't been studying as much as I should have."

The girl just snorted in response. It's not like he's been that bad with his studies, has he?

"Fine, yes I've been a pretty lousy student. But not anymore."

"Hmm, well what are—"

"Tracy! Where did you run off too."

She was about to say something but a voice from outside the classroom cut her off.

The girls face paled slightly before she once again disappeared behind the desks.

"I was never here!" She hissed from her hiding spot.

Harry was about to drag her from where she was hiding before another person entered the room.

"Tracy where are—"

Harry froze as the third intruder ended up being one of the prettiest girl Harry had ever seen. Harry recognize her as the only person Tracy Davis interacted with. If he could recall her name he's pretty sure it's Daphne Greengrass.

She had an annoyed look on her face similar to the one Harry was sporting when he was talking to Davis and he had a feeling she could understand exactly what he had been feeling. But once she had noticed that the room wasn't empty her face morphed to a cool gaze.

"Potter." She said curtly.

Taking a few more glances around the room, the girl gave him a slight nod before leaving unsatisfied at not being able to find what she was looking for.

As soon as the girl left Tracy came out of her hiding spot with a look of relief on her face.

"Oh man if Daphne had caught me again after pranking that bloody cat she'd never let me hear the end of it."

"So that's what this is all about? What about your 'enjoying the scenery' or going on a 'little stroll'."

"Well of course Potter, what's a little stroll without causing some mischief along the way!"

Harry could only shake his head at the girl.

"Has anyone every told you that your personality doesn't match your face."

A very un-lady like snort was his response from her. Yeah she probably gets that a lot.

"Anyways as I was saying before we were interrupted. What are you working on Potter?"

Harry stared at her deciding whether he wanted to let her in on what he had been practicing for the past hour or so.

"I don't see why I have to tell you." He said with crossed arms.

"Oh I see so you want me to guess!"

"What? No, I never—"

"Well don't worry Potter I've been told I'm a bit of a detective so it shouldn't be too hard to solve!"

He gives up. There's no winning with the girl, so might as well just let her do whatever she wanted.

"Fine, fine take your guess."

The girl tucked her hand under her arm and raised her other hand and covered her mouth as she glanced around the room. She didn't say anything for what must have been just a few seconds before she dropped her pose and looked him in the eye with a smirk on her face.

"Well we can rule out runes, or arithmetic since you don't take any of those classes. And divination is also out since you don't have any of the tools needed to practice those. Plus I just don't see you ever practicing potions."

Now it was Harry's turn to snort.

"We can just say that Care for Magical Creatures is out also because. Well yeah."

She trailed off but he completely understood what she meant. Hagrid is one of his friends, one of his first friend, but his class is an utter joke.

"So that leaves us with either transfiguration, charms, or defense."

"What about Magical History?" Harry asked just to be cheeky.

"I don't see any objects besides chairs and desks here so transfiguration is out." She didn't even bother him with a response.

"So that leaves either charms or defense."

Harry gave her an impressed look. She may look innocent and she may have annoyingly brash personality but he had to give it to her she's a lot smarter than she seemed.

"I'm going to have to say you're working on charms." She said with a coy smile on her face.

Harry just smirked at her.

"True but—"

"But," She said cutting him off. "from your fatigue I'd have to say you weren't just practicing charms but something more advanced. Some thing like, say nonverbal casting."

At this point Harry's jaw was on the floor. The girl wasn't just boasting when she said he was a bit of a detective. He didn't think even Hermione would have dissected what he was doing from just glancing around the room.

'_She's actually really smart'_ Harry thought to himself.

"Yeah I get that a lot." She said almost as if she was reading his mind.

"But the real question is, why is Harry Potter trying to learn something like nonverbal casting."

Harry froze at the question.

"I don't know."

She gave him a searching look. There's obviously a reason for his sudden obsession with getting better but he wasn't ready to admit it to himself just yet so he sure as hell wasn't going to tell her.

"Well whatever your reason good luck. I feel like you'll need it."

Harry looked at the girl with a surprised look on his face before he smiled.

"Thanks. You know I don't think we really properly introduced each other. Hi, I'm Harry Potter."

"As if I didn't know that already." The blonde said with a coy smile. "But anyways I'm the amazing Tracy Davis. The pleasure is all yours I'm sure."

'_I don't think pleasure's the right word for it.'_

* * *

><p>After the meeting with Tracy he had decided to call it a night. He had manage to make little progress in terms of what he actually wanted accomplished but he was satisfied with the results.<p>

He had little trouble sleeping that night. Maybe it was just the exhaustion finally catching up to him. He didn't know but he was thankful for a peaceful night sleep.

As he made his way to breakfast Harry couldn't help but feel annoyed at the sudden attention he was receiving from the student body. He was used to such treatment but for some reason the whispers behind his back and the way people were watching him more closely was more profound.

Ignoring the stares until he finally reached the Gryffindor table joining his two friends. Ron was already stuffing his mouth with food by the time Harry had made it to the table.

"Good morning Harry." Hermione greeted him taking her eyes off a thick textbook she had her nose in between once she took notice of his presence.

"G'morning" He said tiredly filling his own plate with food.

They ate in relative silence with the occasional grunting noise Ron made while eating. While the three of them were silent he couldn't help but hear some of the conversations around him.

"Do you think it's true? The Daily Prophet said that Potter was the one that caught Black."

"Shh, quiet down you idiot. He's right there."

He couldn't help but feel a sudden dark feeling enter him as he overheard some of the conversations around him. He had read those articles about him saying how he had manage to capture the 'notorious mass murder' for the ministry.

It made him out to be some hero ridding the world of evil but the truth was far from it. He was no hero. He couldn't even save an innocent man.

His dark mood went unnoticed by his two friends who were too busy in their own little worlds. One of them indulging on food while the other quenched her thirst for knowledge.

Suddenly he didn't feel as hungry anymore. Dropping the unfinished piece of toast he had been nibbling on he bid his friends good bye with an excuse saying that he needed to check over his transfiguration assignment before class.

He only received a grunt from Ron, who was on his third plate of food, and a brief smile from Hermione.

He left feeling slightly annoyed at the two but the feeling passed quickly as he was once again subjected to the stares of the student body but this time it was mostly from girls.

The past few weeks Harry had noticed the sudden increase in stares he had received from the female population. It wasn't that they were ogling him but there was a predatory feeling from some of the girls that would stare at him as he passed.

He had brought this up to Katie Bell once during quidditch practice but she had just laughed at him and told him that he'll understand a woman's intuition once he was older.

He had no idea what she had meant and voiced his complaint but the rather devious glint in her eyes when she had asked him if he wanted her to show him what she meant made him fly away with a lame excuse about having to talk to Oliver about something.

That had been the only conversation he had about the topic with anyone. He was too scared to approach anyone else after Katie's reaction so he had settled for ignoring it for the most part.

He was outside by the lake when he realized that he didn't know where he was going. He just left the hall wanting the staring to stop and left with no destination in mind.

He had been doing that a lot lately. It wasn't really a bad thing in his opinion, after all he had met some pretty unique individuals during these moments. But he was content with the silence of being alone.

He took a seat under a tree to shade himself from the increasingly warm sun. Lazily gazing out towards the lake where the giant squid would pop a tendril out every now and then was the only disturbance in the clear blue lake.

It was a peaceful spot making Harry wonder why he and his friends hadn't come here more often. Come to think of it not many students come out to the lake very much electing to spend most of their time within the confines of Hogwarts walls.

He spent the rest of his morning sitting by the lake in peace until first classes started. Vowing to return to the spot more often Harry made his way to his first class where he was once again subjected to monotonous review for exams.

He did his work quietly and quickly, much to the surprise of his professor. He was able to get through most of the work fast due to the fact that he had nothing to do but read up on his texts books when he was subjected to bed rest due to his injuries. It was the only way to take his mind off everything. After all there wasn't much to do in bed.

This little bit of reviewing had done wonders for his performance in class. He wasn't quite up to Hermione's level, or any of the Ravenclaws in class for that matter, but at least he was more confident that his answers were right when called on.

When classes had finally ended Harry was once again left with the prospect of nothing to do until his agreed meeting time with Professor Lupin. He was at a loss on what to do. He didn't feel like lounging around doing nothing like Ron had suggested and he certainly didn't want to be anywhere near Hermione with exams so close.

He shuddered to think the kind of stress she would put on him if he had agreed to study with her.

In the end he had settled for reading a book that Professor Lupin had suggested he look over before learning nonverbal spell casting. It was listed in the restricted portion of the library but the man had handed him a permission slip before he had left the day before.

The man had winked at him and told him not to worry and that 'he'll take care of all he minor details'.

He wasn't going to complain. He had been in restricted section of the library before, not that Madam Price had to know, but it was nice to actually be _allowed_ inside.

When he showed the pass to the strict librarian she gave him a suspicious look before throughly inspecting the permission slip. Once satisfied, not that it showed on her face, that the slip wasn't a forgery she had allowed him to enter but with the warning that he was only allowed to take out one book at a time.

That had surprised him since he thought that the slip only allowed him to only take out the one book the professor had wanted him to read but Madam Price had corrected him by saying that with the pass he would be able to take out any book as long as he returned the previous book he had taken out.

The look on her face when she had mention this was quite comical to him since the woman clear disapproved of anyone, not taking N.E.W.T. level classes, having permission to take out any book in the restricted section.

There was nothing she could do with the pass Professor Lupin had given him to which he took full advantage of.

He had quickly been able to locate the book Professor Lupin had wanted him to read and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was barely fifty pages long.

He had quickly read the book which was mostly all proven theories on how magic is harnessed. He had manage to put a name on the kind of magic he was doing the night before.

From what he had read what he was doing was something called _Emotion based Intent_. The whole theory behind it was that magic is amplified during emotional distress. In bouts of anger or feelings of danger the magic within a wizard is amplified by the core. It described how it was similar to chemical stimulants in the body that causes a fight or flight state.

Apparently that's where the similarities ended because Emotion based intent isn't anything chemical. There's no known stimulant in a wizards body that causes an increase in magical power. It was all purely magical.

While the theory went on in deeper detail on how magic actually manage the feat he wasn't overly interested in the arithmancy behind it.

In the book he had found the section on nonverbal spell casting and had read the chapter at least twice to get the idea behind it. Once satisfied that he had a firm background knowledge on what he was going to be learning for Professor Lupins off hour tutoring he returned the book and proceeded to search for a new book to read.

There were many choices that caught his eye. Most of the books looked to be very intriguing but once he had flipped through some of them he was left dumbfounded and unable to comprehend what most of the books were talking about. He instead settled for a book called, _Calming the Mind: and other Mental Magic_.

It wasn't that he had any interest in the subject when he first flipped through the book, heck he didn't even know there was any branch of magic that focused on the mind, but as he flipped through the pages and read some passages he got hooked on the prospect of being able to compartmentalize his mind and store certain memories away.

Satisfied with his find Harry checked the book out and read as much as he could before the allotted time of his meeting with Professor Lupin.

Glancing at the clock within the library Harry put his things away and made his way to the Defense class room.

"Come in." Professor Lupins voice called out from the classroom after he had knocked.

Opening the door and bidding the man good afternoon Harry wasn't surprised to see he had cleared away the desks and chairs to make room for their lesson. What did surprise him though was instead of the usual formal robes that the man wore he was clad in exercise attire.

"I'm sorry sir, I feel like I'm not dressed properly for this," he said voicing his thought. He was wearing his usual uniform robes and wasn't expecting to do something physically strenuous.

"That's quite alright lad, I had one of the house elves deliver me some clothes for you after I had realized I had forgotten to tell you to wear light clothing."

Gesturing at the pile of clothes by the teachers desk Professor Lupin had allowed him to change in his office.

Clad in shorts and a T-shirt Harry stood as Professor Lupin instructed him on what he was going to be doing.

"Alright Harry, I want you to start by attacking me with everything you've got. Don't hold back you can use any spell in your arsenal."

He was confused by the instructions and conveyed those confusions to the man and received full blown laughter when he had mentioned that he didn't want to accidentally hurt him. He wasn't going to lie the laughing had annoyed him immensely. It wasn't like he was weak.

The annoyance must have showed on his face because the professor had stopped his laughter but a smile was still present on his face.

"I apologize for laughing lad," the man said with a grin, "It's just that I'm a grown wizard and while you are quite good with the wand I was still one of the better duelists during my time in Hogwarts."

Harry accepted the apology but still didn't understand the reasoning for the exercise.

"I'm sorry professor but I don't understand how dueling is going to help me learn how to cast nonverbally?"

He was expecting more along the lines of certain drills that would gradually allow him to accomplish the feat like when he was learning how to cast the Expecto Patronum charm.

"I understand your concerns but familiarity with your spells in the best way to learn how to accomplish what you want."

The confusion was evident on his face.

"To learn nonverbal casting you need to be able to instinctively be able to cast your spells. It's not about learning a certain kind of trick to be able to do it but continuous repetition to be able to understand exactly _how_ your magic is reacting when you cast a certain spell and being able to just do it."

"I think I understand sir," he said with a thoughtful look on his face, "but why dueling? shouldn't I just keep casting and recasting a certain spell until I'm able to just do it without sound?"

"I'm glad you asked that my boy. You see dueling gives you the benefit of not only repeatedly using spell to get a better feel of it but it also allows your body to learn how to cast without having to really think of the spell. When dueling you have many things you have to worry about. Your opponent and the environment among other thing. So over time you'll find yourself focusing more attention on a certain aspect of the duel instead of your spell casting."

"So eventually I'll be able to cast magic without having to really think about? Kind of like muscle memory but with magic?"

"5 points to Gryffindor!" The man said with a smile. "Correct, that's a very good metaphor to use Harry. Yes, very similar to muscle memory your body will eventually just instinctively know how a certain spell is casted. Of course it won't result in you learning how to cast nonverbally but it will make it dramatically easier for you to learn."

Harry nodded at the explanation. He didn't mind the extra work. If anything he welcomed the thought of learning how to defend himself better AND learn how to nonverbally cast magic.

A determined look crossed his face as he raised his wand to start the duel. Professor Lupin did the same.

"Alright on the count of three we begin."

Harry nodded as the man began his countdown.

"One…"

He tightened his grip on his wand.

"Two…"

A look of concentration formed on his face as he waited for the final countdown.

"Thr…"

Before the man could even finish saying the last number Harry already had already casted his first spell.

"_Expelliarmus!"_

A bright red light burst from his wand and went straight into a hastily made protego spell that Professor Lupin had manage to conjure up just in time.

Harry didn't let up though as he quickly casted a stinging hex after seeing the shield shatter.

By that time a grin had formed on the older professors face and was prepared for the spell. Dodging the condensed yellow energy quite easily the man sent a spell of his own that Harry manage to block with a shield but was unprepared for the next spell which broke through.

Immobilized and angry at himself for losing so quickly Harry fumed while the man used the counter charm to free him.

"Very good Harry!" The man said clearly impressed with him.

He wasn't quite as impressed as the professor in front of him. In fact he was mad at himself for being caught so quickly.

"That was terrible sir," Harry said quietly. "You were able to take me down so quickly."

The man just chuckled at his response.

"Like I said Harry I'm a fully matured wizard and you're barely in your teens. Just the fact that you manage to break my shield in the beginning is proof that you are quite talented."

He nodded his thanks for the praise but he was still a little angry at himself.

The next duel between them he managed to last a few seconds longer. It was slow and steady but he was gradually getting better.

It was hard to see due to the constant beat down he received from the duels but by the end of their session Professor Lupin pointed out that while he had only lasted a few second on their first duel he had lasted at least a minute on the last.

It was a small accomplishment but with the exhaustion he was feeling from the repeated duels he could barely formulate an opinion.

After being shooed by Professor Lupin, Harry had some how managed to make his way back to the dorms. Wincing slightly when he plopped down on his bed due to a bruise that had started to form on his shoulder after a bludgeoning spell had managed to clip him Harry quickly fell asleep succumbing to his exhaustion.

* * *

><p>The next few days for Harry was a relative blur. He spent most of his time buried in something that took his mind off of the events that had happen. Whether it was studying for classes or practicing more on what he was learning from Professor Lupin he made an effort to have something to do just to have something distract him.<p>

Due to the work load that he had put on himself he's hardly had anytime to spend with his friends. It wasn't really a problem seeing as Hermione was pretty busy herself with all the studying she was doing for the exams. As for Ron, well Ron was just being Ron. He spent most of his time lounging around playing chess with the other guys in the common room.

In the past he would have been more than glad to have join in and just laze the days away with his best mate but recently he's almost started to enjoy having a busy schedule. Doing nothing just made him antsy. Plus it left him with his thoughts for too long.

At the moment he was working on some of the exercises from the book he got from the restricted section of the library. He had managed to read the whole book but he hadn't actually tried to apply any of the teachings in the book until now.

Apparently it would eventually lead him to learning occlumency. After spending a good portion of the day doing the exercises in the book he felt that he had relatively good success and was satisfied with what he had accomplished.

Making his way to dinner Harry made a mental check list on things he wanted to do before the end of the term. So lost in his thoughts he didn't notice the person in front of him until he had knocked them down on their butt.

Noticing what he had done due to his lack of attention a look of horror crossed his face.

"I'm so sorry, are you alright?" He hastily asked. "Luna?"

On the ground was the same blonde haired girl he had bumped in to the a few days ago.

"Oh, hello Harry!" The girl said brightly from her position. "It's been quite a while, how have you been?"

"Err, I've been alright how about yourself?" The girl made no move to get up but Harry felt it a little odd talking to a person on the ground. "Wait before you answer why don't I help you up."

Offering his hand to help her up the girl grasped his hand before puling him down. Completely caught off guard by the action he was easily pulled down by the younger girl.

He was able to catch himself and fall on his knees making it so that he didn't fall on top of her but due to the sudden action his face ended up only inches away from hers.

"I quite like the ground." The girl said with a dreamy smile.

"I can see that." Harry just chuckled at her quirkiness. The girl truly is a nutter.

"So are you going down to the hall for dinner?" Harry asked her once he had managed to convince the girl to finally stand up.

"Nope!"

"Well, what are you doing then? Still looking for those creatures?"

A look of sadness crossed the girls face but it was quickly replaced with the same dreamy smile she normally wore.

"Well I am searching for something just not crumple-horned snorkak's."

"What are you looking for? It'll be faster if the both of us look."

The girl clammed up and didn't say anything. That wasn't the reaction he was expecting from the girl. He had expected her to go on about some mythical creature and drag him off to some corridor to look for it. Instead the girl just muttered something under her breath.

"I'm sorry, what did you say Luna?"

"I'm looking for my stuff." Even though she said it so softly he was still able to pick up on what she had said.

"What happened to your stuff?" He asked patiently.

The girl looked unsure if she wanted to answer him. To Harry it was the most normal he had ever seen the girl and it broke his heart. The girl is definitely weird but at least she seemed happy. Now though she seemed sad and for some reason it made her seem normal.

"Come on, you can tell me." He said quietly.

Luna stared at him before the same dreamy smile formed on her lips.

"It's nothing Harry. You go enjoy your dinner, alright?"

Before he could get a word in the girl had ran off. He felt torn. There was something definitely wrong with her but he didn't know what. He wanted to run off and help her but for some reason he didn't.

He ate his dinner that night in silence while his friends around him joked. When they brought him into conversations he would smile and make small comments which appeased them.

He couldn't shake the feeling that there was something he could have done for the girl but at the same time he didn't even know if there was actually something wrong.

He spent the rest of the night with the thought in his head. Even Professor Lupin had noticed that his mind wasn't in the right place causing him to end their practice early that night.

That moment would plague Harry thoughts for quite a while.

* * *

><p>Harry sighed in content. He was sprawled out on his usual spot by the lake. In the last couple weeks of the term Harry had made good with the promise that he had made to himself to return more often and was glad that he did.<p>

The spot had become almost like a haven to him. He was away from the stares and whisperings, and for some reason the place just relaxed him. Not a single shred of negative thought entered his mind when he was there. It was slowly becoming his favorite place to relax, next to being in the air flying on his broom.

He was content and with the last of his exams done he wanted to enjoy the moment of peace until the end of term feast.

Two weeks had passed since Sirius' death. In those past weeks he's buried himself in work to try to keep the memory out of his mind but during these peaceful times when he was left alone with his thoughts the memories would crawl back into his mind.

It's hard to say that he was over the whole thing, because he wasn't. Having someone depend on you and to let them down was a terrible feeling to begin with but to know the consequences would lead to the death of an innocent made the whole thing even worst.

Harry shook his head almost like he could get the thoughts out of his head through physical means. Now wasn't the time think about such things.

Glancing at the worn out watch he wore on his left wrist he noticed that it almost time for the feast.

Truthfully he didn't want to go. He felt like there really wasn't a reason to celebrate. It's the end of term and that means returning to the Dursley's for another awful summer.

When he first set foot in Hogwarts he knew that he was home. The castle had felt more like home than number 4 Privet drive ever had been. And going back isn't something that sounds very appealing to him.

"There you are Harry!"

A voice said interrupting his thoughts. He already knew who the voice belonged to. After all they've been friends for three years now.

"Hi Hermione." He said with his eyes closed in relaxation.

"Don't you 'Hi Hermione' me Harry."

"Should I have said 'hello' instead?"

That definitely wasn't the right thing to say as her hands were on her hip with a look of annoyance on her face and Harry knew instantly that she wasn't happy with him.

"Okay, okay I'm sorry."

Standing up from his spot he gave her a look asking her what she wanted. He wasn't going to lie he was a little annoyed with her too.

For the past week she had ignored him in favor of studying for the exams. He wasn't going to complain and say he wanted all of her time but it was reasonable to want one of your best friends to be there when something tragic like Sirius happened.

Out of his two best friends he expected more from her.

"Well, what do you want?"

She flinched slightly at his voice. He didn't mean for it to come out as harshly as it did but at the moment he didn't care as much.

"Harry James Potter what are you doing just lounging around out here." She said her annoyance overcoming the feeling that she had done something wrong.

"Just relaxing I guess." He said with a raised eyebrow. What else could he have been doing?

"There's still so much to do! You have to pack and get things in order before the train leaves tomorrow!"

Raising his hand to stop her before she got into full lecture mode.

"I'm already all packed up, Hermione."

"Are you sure?" She asked skeptically, "So if I were to take a peek at your luggage I'd see everything all packed?"

"First of all yes, that's what it means when I say that I'm all packed up." He said the annoyance in his voice clearly evident. "And secondly you don't have the right to go through my things."

"Y-you're right." She said in a small voice. "Sorry Harry, I just wanted to make sure you were all set."

"Thank you for looking after me Hermione but I'm alright."

He knew those words had hurt her but frankly he didn't feel like she deserved anything less. Two weeks of minimal contact and the first words from her was to nag him.

An awkward silence came over them. As the seconds went by and neither had spoken Harry started to regret his actions a little bit.

"I'm sorry Hermione." He finally cracked. "I'm just trying to enjoy as much of Hogwarts as I can before I have to return to the Dursley's this summer."

"Oh Harry," she said in an understanding tone. "It's alright I completely understand. You take your time, okay."

"Thanks Hermione, I'll see you at the feat alright?"

She smiled and gave him a hug before leaving leaving alone once again.

He tried to laze around like before but his mind was to preoccupied. He felt bad for snapping at her like that but at the same time he still felt like she deserved it.

The past couple of weeks hadn't exactly been that great with the three of them. Hermione had been mostly absent but he had spent a good amount of time with Ron.

Unfortunately those times spent with him wasn't great either. It seemed he wasn't the only one that had noticed that he was getting more looks from the female population. He would see his friend glaring at him when ever he would wave to some of the girls that would call out his name in the halls.

At first it had embarrassed him getting all those attention, and it still does to a certain degree, but what was worst than the embarrassment was Ron's jealous reactions.

Things have been rocky with the three. He hates to admit it but his time spent away from the two were more stress free than the time he actually spent with them.

Unable to properly relax Harry made his way into the castle. Turning a corner he headed for the Defense against the Dark arts class room. With the school year ending so did his tutoring sessions with Professor Lupin.

He had managed to cast his first nonverbal spell a couple days ago. He was still working on it and it wasn't consistent but he was just happy that he was able to at least do it.

He had also noticed that ever since he had started dueling with professor Lupin he had started to feel better. His appetite was increasing, though not as much as Ron, and he felt like he had more energy throughout the day.

When he had brought this up to Professor Lupin the man just chuckled at his and told him that it was the effects of getting more exercise.

He knocked on the wooden doors and was let in by the Professor. The man had a grin on his face once he saw that it was him at the door.

"Harry, come in lad!"

He smiled in greeting and entered the room.

"Professor you said you had something you wanted to talk to me about?"

The man must have noticed the uncertainty on his voice because he just chuckled and waved him off.

"Don't worry Harry it's not anything too bad."

Harry let out a sigh of relief.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you."

"Sir?" He asked tentatively unsure where this was going.

"I'm proud to have been able to teach you. You are a very gifted child. Caring and kind. James and Lily would have been so proud of you."

"Thank you sir." He said quietly. It truly did mean a lot coming from one of his parents closest friend.

"It has been a privilege and an honor."

"Thank you sir, I can't wait to learn more from you in the coming years."

A sad smile formed on the mans face.

"I'm sorry Harry but after tonights feast I'm going to be resigning from my post as defense instructor."

"W-what?" He asked in shock. "What do you mean? Why are you resigning Professor?"

"Please call me Remus." The man said with a smile. "Now that I'm leaving my post there's no need to call me Professor Lupin anymore."

"Remus," he said trying it out, "why are you resigning?"

"You know about my condition, correct?"

Harry nodded.

"Well it seemed Professor Snape let the cat out of the bag."

"That smily git!" Harry said in anger, "That greasy haired prick!"

"As much as I agree with you lad," the man said with an amused smile, "you shouldn't call your professors that."

"But he deserves it!" He said not caring if he was insulting a professor, if you could even call that man that.

"Harry, it's alright. It would have happened sooner or later. At least this way I can leave with my head held high."

"But professor…," He started to say but the words got stuck in his mouth.

Placing a hand on his shoulders the man just gave him a small smile.

"Don't worry lad I'll keep in contact, alright?"

Harry nodded unable to say anything.

"Now off you go, you have an end of the year feast waiting for you!"

The man shooed him out of the room.

He felt like he should have said something. He knew that even Remus wasn't okay with how things have turned out. He enjoyed teaching, even Harry could see it.

Yet again he was at a lost for words. He should have done something. Anything but for some reason he couldn't.

The same with Luna, Harry couldn't do anything for Remus.

"Hey mate."

There was a weight on his shoulder. And it wasn't just from the hand on it.

"Ready for the feast?"

Meeting Ron's eyes he nodded.

"Yeah, lets go."

**Authors Note:**

**Not much to really say. Next chapter will be the start of GOF.**


End file.
